Spiritual Forum. Org

Hi, welcome to the forum.

I can understand how you would flip flop between the two polarities of monotheism and paganism. they are two entirely different approaches to the understanding the universe as a creation of the divine.

however here are my thoughts on your quandry.

all religious and spiritual practices should be judged by merit, are they good for people, do they help people to grow, do they davance human understanding, do they bring people together etc, etc.

hell is a beleive that is held and promoted by the punitive and vengeful. i do not beleive that jesus was a punitive and vengeful being. and by that the father is not punitive or vengeful.

will say more soon but have to dash now.

The fact that you are scared of hell would mean that you believe in heaven. And this beliefs are could be found on some monotheistic religions such as Christianity. This could implies that you are really on your confusing state of belief on which or what you are going to believe in.
As ellion said, religions should be judge by merit. Know what religion or what belief will help you grow as a righteous person. What will help you do things better in the right perspective in life? Try searching answers by learning their teachings and analyzing it deeply.

You feel guilty because you are in your twenties and you have still to walk a long road ahead.

I believe most of us feel like you sometime in life ignoring if it's good or bad decline a religion that we accepted as "natural" thing because it was giving by our parents as they gave us birth.

Even though all of us have freedom of choice, you can decide what is best for your and what religion or belief fulfill your spiritual expectations. I was raised in a Catholic environment and I can proudly say I'm actually a pagan Wiccan who believes in God and Angles so I believe in the power of Undines, Gnomes, Sylphs and Salamanders.

In the Wiccan creed this is called "eclecticism," taken the best of each religion or belief to build up your own creed. God has infinite love and mercy, and he knows you are seeking your spiritual development. As a loving father, he will not punish you sending your soul to suffer the agony of the hell as long as you observe the good precepts that he taught us, rules that with little variations remain the same through different creeds.

As in Wicca exists the Three-fold Law. Rule of Three, or Rule of Return that states that any harm or good that a Wiccan does to someone else will return to him/her three times to bless him/her or hurt him/her.